An Answer To Eefan

This is an answer to;

http://paulhaditcoming.blogspot.com/

I hope everyone understands. Here is my brief disclaimer before I start, because that is supposedly how everything needs to be written now.

This is entirely factual. All characters are real. Euan is Euan (a paranoid mental who often loses grip with reality) and I am I (a passive observer who tries to cheer him up).

Disclaimer done. On with the blog.

Euan wrote a letter to the council recently about music in shops. Here it is;


Dear Council (or more accurately, council worker. I don't understand why we refer to everybody with a job in the private as the council. That'd be crazy),

I am writing a complaint letter, as you can see. I was in one of your shops recently (today). I don't want to say what one it was, cause Ann Summers' bum fun section would sue me for libel.

While walking through this council owned shop, I realised that there aren't enough man bum toys. You get lots of toys for "clit action", but I don't have a clit (Honestly, I looked for it) and I don't know what bit of my body to rub. I asked the council who was walking the floor and she said she knew where the man clit was, but refused to touch mine.

I've also got into the habit of asking people to "enjoy a load of this", which the council behind the till didn't seem to happy about, when I whipped my willy out and tried to use it as a check.

The council just looked at me and slapped me on the willy. This is assault (not the one in the sea or on my chips). I was very annoyed at the council and decided to write this letter. However there is one more straw that broke my back (I am in a wheelchair now). As she was tending too my wounds (not in a sexual way) by applying a plaster with her mouth, the council never once made eye contact with me. I always say to my girlfriend (she is in a jar) that when putting a plaster on with her mouth, she needs to not bite me.

Long story short, I think you may have sold my penis as a sex toy. It was lying about the council store and when I came back to collect it, I was handed a dildo instead. I thought it was a joke, but the council in charge of lost property genuinely thought it was mine. I can't pee now without going on vibrate.

Love (and general annoyance),
Euan Richard Menzies.



You read it here first, unless you work for the council.
Sorry guys.