Euan's Latest Council Letter

Dear Council,

I was walking down one of your roads recently (not in the middle of it, you idiot) and
I noticed something peculiar. My shoes, although made of wood, metal and rubber,
do not work like a car. I even tried rubbing my shoes on the road to see and they’re
definitely not a car. They had no traction or engine or everything!

My complain to you, Mr Council of Council lane, is that I cannot find the place Usain
Islam Bolt bought his shoes. They must be council shoes, because of the shit quality,
but I cannot find them anywhere. Could you please send me a free pair of shoes to
make up for the rubbery clogs I wasted on your motorway.

Thank you,
hugs and lovers,
Euan Richard Menzies.

What can I say... Euan is ill.